I attended a round table discussion with Fiona and Terryl Givens last week, about their book, The Crucible of Doubt. Terryl explained the idea behind the book, that it came to be because a close family member was struggling with doubts about the church and Terryl wrote this family member a letter, which he later shared at a fireside in California. The response to the fireside was so positive, that Terryl and Fiona decided to expand the letter into a book. They said that they both feel affinity for those who, like them, have the “spiritual gift” of doubt. They hope that their book can address the criminalization of doubt in current church culture. Fiona Givens said that she hopes the book helps people feel empowered to ask questions, and that Joseph Smith himself asked questions because God told him to, therefore we have a divine mandate to ask questions.
Reading the book myself, and hearing them talk about it, the intent of the book is not to convince anyone. There is plenty in the book to disagree with if you don’t believe in the church’s teachings. The book is not a life boat to those who, expanding on Elder Ballard’s analogy, have happily jumped ship. What it is, is a lifeline to those who are struggling to cling to the sides of the boat as the ocean pulls at them (or maybe as people in the boat throw rocks or clumps of oatmeal).
During the meeting, we talked about the struggle to love each other in the church. Particularly loving those with whom we disagree, Fiona said that when we bear one another’s burdens, we are participating in the atonement. We are helping to carry the cross. This was such a beautiful thought to me, and I wish that we as a people did a better job living this out, instead of rejecting and pushing away those who are struggling in culturally unapproved ways.
I was very touched by reading this book. Each chapter begins with poetry and much of the text itself is poetic.
“We feel unmoored if our religion fails to answer all our questions, if it does not resolve our anxious fears, if it does not tie up all loose ends. We want a script, and we find we stand before a blank canvas.”
The Crucible of Doubt takes the approach that we don’t have all the answers, and that the church is never going to be able to provide all the answers, so it is up to each of us individually, to develop our own relationship with the divine to guide us.
This book isn’t for everyone. It isn’t meant to be, but for me, who is an active member struggling at times to make a place for myself in a church where I my views are so often viewed with suspicion and sometimes hostility, it felt so good to read something that both fed me spiritually, and validated my questioning spirit. If you’re looking for a way to stay and make it work, this might give you a bit of a lifeline.
Stay tuned for future posting(s) with Crucible of Doubt reviews and responses from more fMh bloggers.