...Forgiveness is a gift from thee, we seek with pure intent…
On Sunday afternoon, I had one of those sweet, peaceful feelings during Sacrament meeting. The kind that reminds me of the goodness and love in Mormonism. The kind that reminds me that God and Christ are found here.
Sunday night I read That Elder Nelson had addressed young adults in the church, stating that the handbook policy concerning LGBT families was revelation.
” … You may not always understand every declaration of a living prophet,” he added. “But when you know a prophet is a prophet, you can approach the Lord in humility and faith and ask for your own witness about whatever his prophet has proclaimed.”
I appreciate that Elder Nelson reminded his audience that we can receive our own witness about the words of the prophets. Since 1998, I have spent considerable time doing just that-praying and fasting over issues that affect my LGBT brothers and sisters. I have asked to know what is true. I have plead for knowledge. I have tried to follow spiritual promptings as best I can. As I wrote back in November when the policy on LGBT families was first leaked, and I was struggling to make sense of church policy which did not align with my own witness:
Ignoring my heart would be telling it that a lifetime full of learning to trust the promptings of the spirit that guide my life were wrong. That God has never had a path for me and never helped me or guided me through the dark nights of my soul. I have no explanation for why others, after prayerful consideration come to a different conclusion than I have. I imagine many assume that my heart is misguided or that I have been deceived. I have asked myself many times, “what if I’m wrong?” and have always come back to trusting my heart, trusting the way I have seen God communicate with me my whole life.
My heart tells me that God is not the author of this. My initial reaction is to pull away from the church, after all, how can a church of God be so misguided?
As the initial burst of adrenaline works it’s way out of my system, and my heart and mind engage, I have found myself grateful to Kristine for her review of Patrick Q. Mason’s book Planted, which I picked up on Friday afternoon. Sunday morning before church I was reading a section dealing with prophetic fallibility. Sunday night I went back and re-read this section (emphasis mine):
The historical facts regarding the fallibility of church members and leaders, including prophets and apostles, are rarely in doubt. The theological implications are profound and admittedly still require some working out by the membership and leadership of the church. In the meantime, individual believers are faced with a choice. In one sense, it is a matter of faith: can I believe that God leads the church through flawed prophets? But in another, perhaps more important sense, that question is only ancillary to the more significant issue laid before the Christian disciple: can I forgive prophets for their faults, even their occasionally severe ones, and be patient with my brothers?…If I believe that certain actions by ancient or latter-day prophets, leaders, or other church members seem contrary to my sense of acceptable moral behavior, can I forgive them?
…To be clear, this does not mean prophets are not accountable for their teachings and behavior, nor does it require us to abdicate our own agency or personal responsibility on matters of moral conscience. Rather, it recognizes that I am no more the prophets’ ultimate judge than they are mine.
This is where I have arrived. I believe that God has always worked through flawed individuals- because all of us are flawed. Reading Rough Stone Rolling years ago, was a comfort to me- to see how flawed Joseph Smith was, and to see that God still used him to accomplish great things- even amongst the mess- that he could still be a prophet. If Joseph could accomplish great things, maybe there is hope for me in my weakness as well. The second question is the more difficult one. Can I utilize the gift of forgiveness- not so I can pretend painful things never happened, but so I can let go of the anger in my heart and press forward following the path that God has set out for me?
I hope I can.